I wanted to share my review but, dont think I will be done with it till monday not with all the other evaluations reviews visits revise rewrite the baby was up allnight up at 4 and out the door in cold that makes my skin hurt to work all day in the studio at night drawing drawin drawing come home crazy kids to bed try to write miss my wife what the bleeeeep have I done to my life.

crap blender

Hey guys...have you ever had the feeling that everyone around you has no idea waht it is you are trying to comprehend and need so much help with all the time???
Tonight I had the worst night in the darkroom that I have ever experienced. It was the like the entire universe was not allowing me to develop film let alone print photographs. I am meeting with my professor tomorrow with nothing new to show him. We are only 3 frikin wees from the rez, shouldnt I be focusing on gathering pieces to hang and not making new work???
I realized tonight that we can never be forced to make what we make, it only comes on our time and no one elses. Maybe that is whats so hard about being in this program. We are artists, this is not our job, we just can not produce when asked. It is part of ourselves.
I was so upset in the darkroom I actually puked in my mouth a little, no joke. Am I freaking out for no reason??
I hate working and trying to deal with the normal day to day and also attempt to be fully conscience in our VCFA work.
I have been trying to lean on my freinds, my family and my boyfreind and none of this is succesful. None of them understand why I just cant calm down. They all say. "its not a big deal, you are doing great, everything is fine." I think I poop those words right out before they are even said. CRAP I tell you, its crap!
Tonight I have to go through my work and edit down in order to prepare for the hanging when we get to the rez. My boyfreind Jason sais he would help me. I feel I have no one to be a critical eye and help me out in the midst of all this. Instead of helping, he went to the bar to have a beer. So I am sitting here in my kitchen and all I can think of is each and everyone of you. So far away and me so desperate for a helpful voice.
I have never been so tired in my life, but I keep going. It is the love of the art. But where does this frustration come from and how am I supposed to manage it. Even at work...all the gals talk about normal things, day to day things. I dont even now what those things are when I am reading some frikin theories on stereotyping and the history of our racial cultures and how that pertians to the choices we make now twords other people.
I have things I need to do in front of me in order to be prepared for the rez but right now everything is a dizzy blur.
A whole year left...

heyo

I hope yo guys are having a smooth transition into the end of the semester. I think this has been the toughest one for me so far. I literally broke down the other day but I feel much better now. My AT this semester has put a lot of pressure on me and I have had no time for my regular life but I have come out with some interesting work. I cant wait to show you guys and see what you have been working on. Looks like this residency we have our final year review in order to move into the last year. I feel prepared to tell them how difficut this has been for me and how much time the VC work takes up. This semester I wrote 4 papers for each mailing...it made my brain wrinkle.
I just got a new job as a designer for Seven Days newspaper...I dont know about you guys but I have never been so overwhelmed in my life.

I really cant wait to see you all. Happy new year my friends!